


Best Enemies

by 76mumbles



Category: Night In The Woods (Video Game)
Genre: Awkward Car Ride, Drinking, F/F, Headcanons Everywhere, Human
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-14 01:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14125107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/76mumbles/pseuds/76mumbles
Summary: Jackie doesn’t like Mae. At least, life was so much easier when that was true.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic I’m posting. Sorry if it sucks I guess.

“Remind me why I decided to go to another party?” Mae asked Bea. The drive to Bright Harbor was a long one and she had already run out of conversational topics. Her doubt was beginning to set in.

“Well for one, I invited you. Two, you said you wanted to meet that cute girl again. And three, I invited you.” Bea responded, managing to face Mae and still keep her eyes on the road at the same time. It kinda freaked Mae out.

“You said that you invited me twice.” Mae remarked.

“I know. I want you to understand that.”

“Yeah, I’m kinda stuck on the why aspect here. I sort of completely ruined the last one. Why would you invite me to another one?” The thought had been driving Mae crazy all day. Sure, Bea was her friend, but Mae wouldn’t blame her at all if she never brought Mae along again. Mae had a sordid history with parties.

“Because, I’m giving you a second chance. I’m not completely blameless for what happened last time. I was blinded by my resentment towards you and didn’t tell you why I was there. I should have known that’s how you would have reacted.” Bea explained. Mae was still wondering why she was only looking at the road out of the corner of her eye.

“Okay, that’s swell and all, but what about Jackie? Did you tell her you’re bringing me?” Mae narrowed her eyes suspiciously at her friend. She suspected the answer already.

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” Bea replied nonchalantly. Mae threw her hands up in exasperation. It bothered her that she could only barely touch the roof of the car. Puberty had given up on her pretty quickly, a fact that she resented greatly.

“But she will know when we get there, and she’ll hurt me!” She shouted. To be honest Jackie scared her a little, which was no small feat. Only three things scared Mae: her episodes, the thing living in the mine outside town, and Jackie. She was working on her mental issues, she refused to think about the thing in the mine, but Jackie had her cornered.

It wasn’t necessarily true fear. It was a more emotional fear. Maybe Jackie could convince Bea to hate Mae, and steal her away. Maybe Jackie was a better friend to Bea than Mae was. Scratch that, Jackie WAS a better friend to Bea than Mae was. That’s why Mae was afraid of her. After the softball incident, when Mae decided that Bea was better off without her, where was Jackie? And when Bea’s mom died and Mae still didn’t go to comfort her, where was Jackie? By Bea’s side, like Mae was supposed to be. Mae was afraid of the inadequacies of her own friendship with Bea compared to Jackie’s stalwart companionship.

“You’ll be fine. Jackie isn’t going to hurt you.” Bea assured, turning back to face the road fully.

“Hmph.” Mae grunted as she crossed her arms. “Maybe not physically.” She muttered under her breath. Mae had seen it before. Jackie really knew how to tear into someone. It would be an interesting encounter regardless.

——————————————————

“At least if something happens, I won’t have to run through the rain to find you.” Mae commented. It was actually a pretty nice night in her opinion, the perfect time to be making a fool of herself in front of other people.

“It’s the little things. Also, if you embarrass me again I’ll just kick your ass, so don’t worry about that.” Mae didn’t think that Bea was exactly joking. She’d probably get wailed on by both Bea and Jackie. Not a fight that she could win. She’d go down swinging though.

“Once again, not too late to throw ourselves into traffic.” Mae joked, same as last time.

“What is it about you and social situations that you hate them so much?” Bea asked as she finished her cigarette. She tossed it onto the ground and stomped it out.

“Just the fear that I’ll break down and hurt somebody.” Mae answered. Ever since the softball incident, she felt uncomfortable around large crowds of unfamiliar people. More targets if she had an episode.

“Oh.” Bea replied dryly. She didn’t really know what to say to that. They walked to the door to the club where Jackie stood waiting. Upon noticing Bea, she smiled and opened her arms for a hug. Upon noticing Mae however, she dropped her arms and sneered.

“Bea, why are you still hanging out with her? I’ve told you time and time again-“ Jackie began to rant. Bea cut her off.

“Because she’s my friend Jackie. I’m not asking you to like her, just tolerate her.” Bea told her. Jackie stared at Mae for a moment before sighing.

“Fine. Come on in.” Jackie waved Bea in but stopped Mae at the door. “No, seriously. What are you doing here?” She was a good eight inches taller than Mae, which only added to her intimidating presence. She stared down at Mae, who stared back up.

“I don’t know! I asked her the same thing! She invited me, I came!” Mae didn’t know what the taller woman wanted to hear. Jackie stared at her for a few moments before turning away.

“I don’t know what she sees in you.” She growled. She entered the building, not bothering to hold the door for Mae.

“Yeah, I don’t know either.” Mae sighed. She followed into the club where Bea was waiting. Mae only caught the end of Jackies’ response to a question Bea asked.

“...stay out of trouble.” Mae could only assume she was the topic. Bea simply smiled at her.

“Hey, you wanna go dance some?” Bea asked her. Mae shook her head.

“I’m gonna go look for that girl.” She answered before disappearing into the crowd. The thought of being around Jackie unsettled her. She was gonna let Bea find a man alone anyway. Or with Jackie, she guessed.

After a half an hour of searching high and low, every nook, cranny, and occupied room (so what if she had walked in on people having sex? They were the weird ones, not her), she concluded that her ‘Bombshell’ was not at this party. The realization deflated whatever optimism she had.

What she had seen was Bea and Jackie laughing it up with two college boys. They were cute, so Mae obviously hated them right off the bat, but it looked like Bea was happy. That was fine with Mae.

When she had tried to approach though, Jackie had given her a death glare without ever even stopping her laughter. Mae was a little impressed to be honest. She didn’t even know it was possible to look friendly and terrifying at the same time. Nobody else saw it, but Mae got the idea.

This left Mae in a bit of a conundrum. She didn’t find Bombshell and she wasn’t going to bother Bea and Jackie. So what was she to do at this party? She didn’t know what was here for her. At the moment, her disappointment over Bombshell was suppressing any desire to meet new people. She began to feel the atmosphere of the party weighing down on her.

There were so many people shuffling around and bumping into her. The loud music and constant chatter were drowning out her thoughts. Bea wanted nothing to do with her right now. The only reason she came in the first place wasn’t here. She was feeling funny, like she was slipping out of her body. She knew this feeling. It terrified her. She needed to relax.

She glanced at the bar. She didn’t have a great history with alcohol, but one little beer couldn’t hurt, right? Better that than hurting someone by accident. She’d just drink one.

——————————————————

Mae was in a panic. Where the hell was the exit?! Jackie would kill her if she threw up on the floor inside. She scanned the room desperately. Eventually she spotted the stairs leading out. If she’d looked a bit harder, she would have seen Bea and Jackie chatting by them.

She stumbled her way through the crowd, not caring who she pushed out of the way in her mad dash to the exit. One such person just happened to be Jackie.

“Anyway, he was coming up to- HEY! What the hell Borowski?!” She yelled angrily as Mae shoved her. But Mae didn’t stop, and practically leapt up the stairs. Once she was outside, she puked on the sidewalk. She groggily stared at the concrete, which threatened to pull itself out from underneath her feet. At least she didn’t taste tacos this time. Probably because she hadn’t eaten anything all day.

“Mae, are you alri- oh no. Please don’t tell me.” Bea’s worry swiftly turned to annoyance as she saw the splatter at Mae’s feet. Mae turned in a half circle, not looking up lest she send her sense of balance careening. She grinned stupidly at her boots.

“I dint puke on anybody thiss time Bea!” She said proudly. She could never look Cole in the eyes again after her defilement of his shoes last time she saw him.

“Very nice. Why did you puke exactly?” She asked sternly. Mae could tell that Bea wasn’t amused at all. Her grin gave way to a frown.

“I juss dranka lil bit.” She said.

“How much?”

“Two.” She quickly answered, glad that she wasn’t looking at Bea. She could hear the disappointment in Bea’s voice. She had drunk one less cup than last time, but she’d never drunk on an empty stomach before.

“Are you an actual child Borowski? After what happened the last time you drank? Do you have any impulse control at all?” Jackie was absolutely fuming.

“I juss- it wuz getting all funny and I didn’t want to hurt nobody and I wuz juss trying to relax.” She looked up at Bea while doing her best to not burst into tears. Bea’s face softened as she understood what Mae was saying.

“*Sigh* Alright. Come on Mae, I’ll take you home.” She said dejectedly. Jackie held her hand out to stop her.

“Whoa whoa whoa, what about John?” She asked in bewilderment over Bea’s complete acceptance of Mae’s intrusive behavior.

“Just tell him that I had to take a drunk friend home. Tell him I’m sorry for the short notice.”

“No, absolutely not. I’m not letting her ruin another one of these parties for you. You get back in there and talk to him. I’ll take her home.” Jackie was adamant in her decision. Bea could tell, and didn’t bother arguing. It was true that Bea was incredibly stubborn when she wanted to be, but Jackie nearly put that to shame. When Jackie set her mind to something, almost nothing would make her budge.

“Are you sure?” She asked her friend. It less of a double check and more of a warning.

“Wha? Wait, I don wanna ride with Jackie.” Mae protested.

“Shut up. You don’t get a vote.” Jackie glared at her before turning back to Bea. “You deserve this. I don’t care about these parties anyway.”

“If you insist...” Bea wrung her hands together nervously. “Look, just go easy on her, please? She really tries.”

“Yeah. She really tries to ruin everything.” Jackie sneered.

“I’m serious. She says a lot of dumb stuff when she’s drunk, but she’s honest. Maybe give her a listen? You might be enlightened on her behavior.” For Bea, Jackie giving a drunk Mae a ride home was a nightmare scenario. But once Jackie made up her mind, there was no changing it. All Bea could do was try and soften the fallout.

“Oh boy, I can’t wait to hear her excuses. Go on Bea, I’ll see you when I get back.” Jackie promised. Bea awkwardly waved goodbye as she descended back into the party, hesitant to leave the two alone.

“Bye Bea! Sorry I got drunk!” Mae waved goodbye. Unfortunately, this action set her off balance and she began to tip towards the street. Jackie ran to catch her before she fell, grabbing her arm just in time.

“Come on, before you embarrass anyone else further.” She practically dragged Mae over to a black sedan. She unlocked the car, opened the passenger door, and shoved Mae in. Getting in the drivers seat, she was suddenly struck with how much she didn’t want to do this. It was probably going to be a bad night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun talks in a car

“Jackie-“ Mae began to say something that she believed was quite profound. Jackie interrupted the moment she spoke.

“Let’s see how long you can go without pissing me off, mmkay? The best strategy would be just not talking at all.” She snapped. She knew Mae had a penchant for saying dumb shit even when she was sober, and Jackie had a low tolerance for dumb shit.

To her surprise Mae didn’t respond. She just stared at the floor. For a glorious ten minutes, Jackie enjoyed the peace and quiet of her own thoughts. And then Mae spoke up again, with a sentence that about broke Jackie’s patience immediately.

“Y’know, I rememember whenyou were Eric...” Mae slurred out.

“Holy shit what is your fucking damage.” Jackie couldn’t believe what Mae had said. She had actually deadnamed Jackie. Drunk or not, that was beyond rude. Mae clearly wasn’t just an asshole, she was an awful person altogether.

“Whaaat? I was juss gon to say that I think Jackie fits you better.” Mae didn’t comprehend her mistake.

“Oh.” That was way nicer than Jackie had expected. She shook her head. She couldn’t forgive that for one little compliment. “You can’t say that. Don’t deadname a trans person. I would think even you would know that.”

“Ssssorry.” Mae slowly replied. She didn’t quite know what was wrong, but filed away the fact that Jackie didn’t like hearing her old name. “Jackie, why d’you hate me?” She asked, alcohol finally giving her the courage to talk about it.

“That’s an easy one. You’re a shitty person. Just an unbelievably, undeniably, terrible person.” Jackie had been waiting for this question for a long time. “You know, I actually used to think you were so cool. You were a rebel, a punk. You didn’t care about the rules. I looked up to you. Hell, I even had a crush on you. But you know what changed that? You beat someone half to death for no goddamn reason. I had the epiphany that you weren’t cool, you were just dangerous. I still think you’re dangerous. I was glad that you stopped hanging out with Bea back then. I figured she distanced herself from you because you were a wacko. But no, it turned out that you just stopped talking to her, and I hated you even more for it. Because it really hurt Bea that you ignored her. Apparently even your friends mean nothing to you. You ruin everything you come into contact with, Borowski. You’ve managed to ruin your own life worst of all, but you seem intent on dragging other people down with you. Like Bea for instance.”

“I don not drag Bea down. Shees my frand.” Mae replied. She was still struggling to understand the part about Jackie having a crush on her.

“You say that, but here you are, drunk off your ass. Bea was gonna throw away her night to take care of you. I had to step in so she could continue to have fun. Explain that one.” Mae was silent as she thought. Eventually, the answer came to her.

“Yer a be-better frend than Iam.” She said sadly. That was not the answer Jackie had been expecting.

“I- Well, yes, but that’s not what I meant. Why did you drink, knowing you can’t hold your booze? Why would you commit to making a fool of yourself like that?” Jackie demanded answers.

“I wasn’t feeling so good. I dint wanna haff a breakdown or noting, so I tried to cawm down wif beer.” Mae explained. Jackie had to try a bit harder to understand what she was saying due to the slurring and mixed up words.

“Breakdown? What kind of breakdown?” She asked worriedly.

“I don wanna tell you.” Mae said as defiantly as she could.

“Heh, really? You’re in my car, getting a ride home from my party because you’re wasted. No, you’re fucking gonna tell me.” Jackie scoffed.

“I reely dont wanna talk aboudit.” Mae shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“And I’m telling you that’s not an option. I’ll kick you out of this car and make you walk home if I have to.” Jackie was playing hardball. Mae had better keep up.

“Ffffine. What happen atta soffball game.” Mae answered, content that that was a good enough explanation. For Jackie though, it was terrifying.

“You were gonna do it again?! I knew I was right about you! You don’t have your anger issues under control at all!” She yelled. The last thing she needed was a maniac at one of her parties. The only reason she’d ever let Mae in in the first place is because she didn’t think Mae had those tendencies anymore.

“Iss not anger issus! My dumb head doesn’t work right. I neber wanted to hurt Andy. It just happennd, an I wasscared. I feel jus awvul about it. Somestimes I even ave nightmares aboudit.” Mae couldn’t believe she was spilling her guts to Jackie of all people, but she couldn’t handle the blind hate any longer. She wasn’t a dangerous person, or a psycho. She was just a loser with a fucked up brain.

“What are you saying?” Jackie eyed Mae suspiciously.

“All’m sayin iss that I’m craysee. I dint hurt anyone on purpoz. I juss am a mess and I cant go anywhere without loosing my mind and I- I’m a complee failer and I- I- I- Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!” She wailed as emotion overtook her fragile state of mind. Once the waterworks started, they wouldn’t go away for a while. She hated crying. It made her feel weak. But sometimes she felt like crying was all she ever did. She cried herself to sleep more often than she would care to admit. At least crying helped her sober up.

Jackie was struck with how quickly this had taken a turn. One moment everything was fine, and now Mae was bawling her eyes out. She was honestly pathetic. But what she had said stuck with Jackie. She had mentioned her ‘dumb head’, being crazy, and losing her mind. Was this her drunk way of saying she had a mental problem? That’s certainly the sort of insensitive way Mae would talk about such a sensitive subject.

“Jeez, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.” Jackie apologized, trying to get Mae to quiet down.

“WAAaAaAAAAaaAaaAAA!!!” Mae continued to shriek. In fact, it seemed to Jackie that she was getting louder.

“Seriously, stop crying.” Jackie was getting annoyed now.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

“SHUT THE HELL UP!” Jackie roared. Mae immediately ceased her wails, though the tears continued to flow. “Are you always this much of a crybaby?! And if you start crying again I swear to god.”

“Y-yes.” Mae sobbed. Jackie rested her forehead on the steering wheel in exasperation.

“Well, at least I was wrong about you being dangerous. You’re just a whiny brat who does whatever she wants.” She muttered.

“I- I’m not! I just, get emotional when I’m drunk. And it’s not my fault for a lot of the things I do!” She argued weakly. Jackie scoffed.

“Alright then, start from the beginning. Convince me otherwise. Give me a reason as to why you nearly killed someone.” Jackie wanted to hear this story badly. She didn’t know what to expect from it though. Not anymore.

“I- I don’t know. Everything fell apart. All I could see was shapes, j-just endless lines and circles coming together to create m-meaningless sculptures of nothing. Nothing mattered and I was alone and t-terrified. Everything I had known had been ripped away from me in a heartbeat. When I saw Andy there, it wasn’t really Andy. It was a bunch of shapes that looked almost like a person. A fake. I got so angry. But I was also scared. I thought maybe if I broke one of those shapes they’d go away, leave me alone. When they finally pulled me away, I snapped out of it. I nearly threw up when I saw him laying there. Just red on green, blood on grass. God, there was so much blood. I couldn’t believe how much blood was on me. There was just so much blood.” She fell silent at the horrible memory. It was one of her worse nightmares. Sometimes, in her dreams, Andy actually died and she was locked up for murder. She shuddered at the thought.

“Oh. Shit.” Was all Jackie could muster. Unless Mae was a very convincing liar and actor (which Jackie highly doubted), Mae did have a mental illness, and a serious one at that. Disassociation to the point of detachment from reality and violence? That’s some heavy stuff. Which meant that the guilt probably weighed hard on her

“The reason I stopped hanging out with Bea was because I was so ashamed. I thought she would hate me, so I just avoided her. I was also afraid that I might hurt her by accident. I could never forgive myself if I did.”

“But you did hurt her! By avoiding her! If you had just told her what was going on-“

“I know! That’s why I’m an awful person! Even now I screw everything up! I don’t know why she’s even my friend anymore. We argue and we fight and I always mess everything up. I’m an asshole that tries to give her advice on how to live her life even though I have no understanding of what her life is like!” Mae was angry now, but at herself, not Jackie. Jackie thought about everything that Bea had told her about Mae since the two had become friends again.

“Because you make her laugh. You’re fun. You probably know that her life is so boring. Did you know she spends a good ten minutes telling me about whenever you hang out? Even after your big argument, she told me that she had overreacted.”

“You’re fun too though! You host these parties for her to pretend she’s in college. You give her what she wants. I just make her life difficult by saying dumb shit and making her mad. It’s like my brain doesn’t know when to stop running.”

“Look, I’m not gonna say you’re not an asshole, because you definitely still are, but at least now I know there’s a reason for some of your behavior. I just give her what she thinks she wants, you give her what she needs.” Jackie said.

“What does that even mean?” Mae asked angrily.

“Ugh, I don’t know! I was trying to sound nice or some shit! Why didn’t you just tell people what you were going through?” Jackie was flustered now. Her attempt to cheer up Mae had failed. Why had she bothered anyway? She didn’t care how Mae felt.

“I didn’t want people to think I was crazy! I knew they’d always hate me for what I did, but I don’t want them to judge me for something I couldn’t control!” Mae shouted. In an instant, Jackie knew exactly how Mae felt. A wave of empathy flooded over her. Jackie had never thought she’d actually agree with Mae on something.

“I- I know what you mean.” Her voice cracked as she spoke. What Mae had said really hit home.

“How could you know what it’s like? Is your head broken too?” Mae spat. Jackie stared at her incredulously.

“No, you bitch. When I first came out as trans, a lot of people hated me. A lot still do. Even my parents think I’m just sick and need help.” Why was she telling Mae this? This was a weird drive altogether.

“That’s stupid. Why would they care? It’s not like you hurt people like me. You can be whoever you want to.” It was Mae’s turn to be incredulous. Who cared about Jackie’s personal decisions?

“You’re naivety is almost heartwarming. People think I’m a creep, some weirdo who’s just trying to get closer to women. Or that my head is fucked up and I’m just a freak. And all I can do is grit my teeth and bear it. I just want to live a life where I don’t hate myself. It makes me feel worthless sometimes.” Jackie rarely got emotional, but she was struggling to hold back tears.

“Well eff that! Next time someone gives you shit, call me and I’ll knock some sense into them! Teach them to be a douche!” Mae offered, upset that someone would be a jerk to Jackie. This made Jackie thoroughly confused.

“Hehe, one, you can’t just beat people up because they’re douchebags. Two, why would you do that for me?”

“Because you don’t deserve to be treated like that? I mean, I can’t punch every rude person in existence, but I know you, so I can punch people rude to you.” Mae felt that violence was a pretty good answer to some questions.

“But, like, we hate each other!” Jackie protested.

“I don’t hate you. And I know you hate me, but like, whatever. I’m used to it.” It disturbed Jackie how okay Mae was with being hated. It either was a fantastic display of indifference, or a depressing show of self-loathing.

“But- I- Now you’re making me feel bad!” Jackie said. It was like they were playing a game of tennis with confusion, and it was in Mae’s court now.

“What? Why do you feel bad? What did I do?” She asked in panic. She had been trying to not upset Jackie further.

“You didn’t do anything! That’s the problem! I thought you hated me too!”

“Wha- Why would I hate you? You haven’t done anything to me.”

“Because I hate you! Isn’t that enough?!” Jackie was torn now. Her rivalry was far more one sided than she previously thought.

“No! I’m not that petty! You can keep hating me, it’s not like I don’t deserve it.” This infuriated Jackie.

“Damnit, now that I know about your problems and that you don’t even hate me back, I can’t hate you.” She lamented. It was far easier for her to dislike people than it was to sympathize with them.

“I guess that’s a win for me then. One more friend to count on.” Mae was a little proud of this.

“Ooooooooh no. That’s not what I said. I said I can’t hate you. That has nothing to do with being your friend. We are not friends.” Jackie may have been confused about her feelings towards Mae, but friendship was definitely not present.

“Oh.” Mae frowned. “Well, what’s it gonna take then?” She asked. How proud of her would Bea be if she and Jackie were on good terms?

“Uhhh, I don’t... know?”

“Well, why are we not friends right now?” If there’s one thing Mae could do if she set her mind to it, it was win people over. Maybe. She did it with Angus and Bea when she came home.

“Because you’re an asshole. You have your reasons, but you’re still an asshole.”

“So I just have to stop being an asshole. Got it.” That was feasible. Mae could do that.

“Then, given your history, maybe you should stop coming to these parties.” Jackie suggested snarkily.

“Look, I only came to this one to find someone.” Mae explained.

“Who?”

“I don’t know her name. I met her at the last one, but didn’t have a chance to talk with her more because I had to go chase Bea down after... well, after I acted like an asshole.”

“What does she look like? I might know her.”

“Ummmm, blue dyed hair, a couple of piercings, really blue eyes, she was wearing this scarf-“ 

“I know her. Her name’s Mikaela.”

“Awesome! Is she- uhh... interested in... erm, girls?” Mae squeaked out. She didn’t know how to ask that without sounding weird.

“Boy is she ever. Before I give you more info, I gotta ask. Are you interested in a relationship with her?”

“Well, I mean, maybe? She seemed like, sorta interested in me? So I thought maybe she wanted to-“

“Let me put it this way. Mikaela is basically a lesbian chad.”

“What the heck does that mean?”

“She just wanted in your pants. She sleeps with a lot of girls. Believe me when I say she has no interest in a relationship. I’m not saying this to be mean, I’m just letting you know so you don’t think there’s something there that isn’t really.” Jackie figured it would end less catastrophically if Mae didn’t find out the hard way.

“Oh. That’s... oh.” Mae’s attitude fell sharply as she processed Jackie’s words.

“Hey, look. Lemme tell you right now that a party is no place to look for a relationship. I’ve tried, I’ve failed.” Jackie said in an attempt to ease Mae’s disappointment.

“What about Bea? Why does she go then?” Mae asked.

“She’s just trying to taste the college life. She probably knows nothing will come of it and I’m not about to tell her anyway. You should look for relationships closer to home anyway.”

“I just- I guess I think that a relationship would help. Maybe someone to hold onto would ground me or something. I mean, Gregg does so good because of Angus, so why can’t I have someone to help me?” Mae knew she probably wasn’t ready for a relationship, but she was just really lonely.

“I can understand that, but it can’t just be anyone. I’m guessing that Gregg and Angus are a good couple.” Jackie was actually feeling bad for the poor girl. What was the world coming to?

“Yeah, they’re perfect together! They’re gonna move to Bright Harbor! Bea doesn’t think that they’ll stay together, but I think she’s just being negative.”

“That’s Bea alright. Too bad the guy market in Possum Springs sucks, she could use a boyfriend.” Jackie had told her friend time and time again to just move to Bright Harbor, but Bea refused to abandon her father. It frustrated Jackie to no end.

“Yeah... boyfriend...” The disappointment in Mae’s voice was palpable. Jackie picked up on her meaning instantly.

“Oh no, don’t go down that road. Bea is straight as a board, and that’s perfectly acceptable. I’m just as disappointed as you are, but that’s her choice.” Jackie had attempted to ask out Bea in the past. Predictably, she’d been rejected. In a way though, it boosted Jackie’s confidence a ton, since Bea saw Jackie as a female. This was even before Jackie had come out publicly, so having that reaffirming opinion helped her through it.

“But you’re- no, wait. That’s rude. Sorry.” Mae had been about to say something not quite correct. Luckily she had the sobriety to stop herself now. “I’ve never known anybody trans, so I’m really sorry if I say anything incorrect. I don’t have anything against it, really! Power to you! I just say dumb things a lot and I don’t know exactly what’s inappropriate.”

This struck a chord with Jackie. She was used to people saying things incorrectly about her gender, accidentally or not so. Sometimes they apologized, sometimes they didn’t. But she’d never had someone preemptively apologized because they didn’t know what was okay.

“Damnit Borowski.” She grumbled. Mae flinched, expecting a verbal lashing that she probably deserved. “Have you always been a genuinely nice person?”

Mae blinked as she wrapped her head around the unexpected question. “I- Maybe?” She was confused now. This whole night was confusing.

“I’m almost never treated with that much caution and respect.” Jackie half complimented, half complained. “Nobody likes admitting their faults, especially when it’s that they don’t know something.”

“Psh, I could admit my faults all day. I have plenty of them.” Mae scoffed. “I’m lazy, I’m selfish, I don’t think about the consequences of my actions, I-“

“Oh my god shut up! All I was saying is that I rarely get people who admit they don’t know what to say around me. It’s... nice.” To her chagrin, Jackie was actually taking a liking to Mae. She had some endearing qualities, and like Bea had said, she was trying.

“Hah! I got you! We’re basically friends now!” Mae exclaimed gleefully. Jackie groaned in defeat.

“Ugh. What is your obsession with me being your friend?”

“Well, I’m in your car talking about my feelings, and that’s something I only do with my friends, so sorry, but you gotta be my friend now.” Mae stated matter-of-factly. Jackie frowned.

“I don’t gotta be shit. Being friendly is not the same as being friends.” Jackie was getting back into the groove of disliking Mae. How could someone swing from pessimism to optimism so quickly?

“Really? Even aftew saying you had a cwush on me?” A sly grin spread over Mae’s face as she cooed. Jackie blushed and tightened her grip on the steering wheel.

“Okay, really? The key word is had. And that was literally in middle school. So shut up, and never say a word to anyone. God, I never should have said that. You’re just gonna hold it over me like a child aren’t you?” Jackie had let that slip earlier on accident. She hadn’t actually meant to mention it, and didn’t point it out in the hopes Mae hadn’t noticed. Which she clearly had.

“All I’m saying is that you used to like me, which means that on some level you like something about me! I haven’t changed like, at all since middle school! Well, I think I’m a lot sadder now. And uglier. I really let myself go.” Mae squeezed her stomach in disappointment. “The two might be related.”

“Hey now, you look... fine...” Jackie stopped as she realized what she was saying. The grin broke out on Mae’s face again.

“My, my, Jackie, are you flirting with me?” Mae giggled mischievously at her. Jackie’s blushing was out of control now. She hadn’t felt this flustered in a while.

“N-No! Come on, just drop it! I didn’t mean anything by it! Next time I won’t try to cheer you up, how about that?” Jackie sputtered out angrily. Embarrassment wasn’t an emotion she handled well. Coupled with Mae blowing the crush thing way out of proportion, she was uncomfortable. Being embarrassed broke her cool facade, which she worked very hard to uphold. It made her feel stupid.

“Whoa, jeez, I’m sorry. It just felt nice to think that someone had a crush on me. I guess I took the joke too far.” Mae looked down and kicked her feet awkwardly.

“Whatever.” Jackie said through clenched teeth. Mae decided to let the conversation end there. She’d rather sit in uncomfortable silence than upset Jackie further. Staring out the window was a pastime that Mae was quite used to on car rides. She didn’t try to focus on anything, her eyes just stared blankly and let the world blur past her. Black trees lit only by streetlights whizzed past the car. It seemed like every road into Possum Springs was dark and empty. Rather, every road out of Possum Springs. The closer you got, the more desolate the roadways.

She’d screwed up. She’d had one chance to maybe bridge the gap with Jackie and impress Bea and she blew it. Like she always did. It wasn’t her fault that people didn’t like her. She’d been so close too. But she’d thought she could make one dumb joke. Life sucked and so did she.

“Which house is yours?” Jackie asked suddenly, breaking Mae from her trance. They were in town now. Mae’s street was still recognizable to her under the dim lighting available. The town only ran every other streetlight to save money, which Mae thought was incredibly dumb. Who did the town have to pay for electricity? Weren’t they in charge of it anyway?

“Uh, that one, there. Green car.” Mae answered, still thinking. She looked at the car clock. It was about eleven. By the time Jackie got back the party would probably just be over. Mae could still fix this. Hopefully.

They parked on the street behind Mae’s mom’s car. “Here we are.” Jackie said tiredly. She just wanted to get back to her apartment and forget this whole mess.

“Thanks for the ride.” Mae said politely as she exited the vehicle. She had to speak up, she had to say something. This was her only chance.

“Yeah, no problem. It won’t be a habit.” Jackie responded, a little less politely than Mae had been. “Bye.”

“Wait! Do you wanna like, come inside or something?” Mae blurted out. It had been tough to say out loud, but she pushed forward.

“What?” 

“Like, to get some food or something. It was a long drive here, and you don’t have to immediately go back. Let me make it up to you.” Mae pleaded. She really felt awful about the whole night.

“I... I don’t...” Jackie struggled to find the right words.

“Pleeeeeease?” Mae begged.

“Oh alright. What the hell.” Jackie buckled. Hell had frozen over apparently.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mae talks about her feelings. Jackie listens. Both get drunk.

“Great! Come on in!” Mae skipped up to her front door and held it open. Jackie exited the car and followed Mae into the house. Mostly she didn’t want to disappointment Mae. Then she’d never hear the end of it. The inside of the house was not at all what she had expected. It was neat and tidy, the very definition of homely. There was even a “Bless This Mess” crochet picture on the wall by the door, despite the distinct lack of mess.

“Nice place you got here.” Jackie commented.

“Yeah, might not have it much longer.” Mae told her sadly as they walked to the kitchen.

“Why?”

“Cause of me beating up Andy. Legal fees sucked so my parents took out a loan so I could go to college and now they can’t pay it back. I ruined everything, like always.” Mae lamented. Jackie couldn’t exactly defend her on that point, having said those exact words not too long ago.

“That’s unfortunate.” That was all she could manage. She was only now beginning to grasp the far reaching consequences of what happened to Mae all those years ago. Mae obviously felt horrible about it.

“Sure is.” Mae stopped in the kitchen. “Ugh, now I’m sad. Hey, do you drink?” She inquired to Jackie.

“Beer tastes awful, no.” Jackie replied, curious as to where Mae was going with this.

“I agree completely, but I’m not talking about beer. Gregg got me this bottle of stuff as a gift to help forget about... never mind.” Mae had almost let slip the thing her and her friends had sworn to never talk about.” Anyway, he claims it’s super good and fruity. It’s called like, snaps or something?”

“Schnapps.” Jackie corrected. She’d never drank schnapps before. She didn’t drink much of anything actually. She always saw alcohol as a tool to drown sadness, and she wasn’t that sad of a person. Angry, sure, but not sad.

“Yeah! Anyway, it’s just been sitting in my room and I’m never gonna drink it alone because GOD I’m depressing enough as is so I figure hey you’re here so I might as well offer before you go!” Mae exclaimed without taking a breath.

“I have several questions. First off, I have to drive back still, so why would I drink? Secondly, are you even old enough to drink legally? Thirdly, why?” Jackie asked. Was spending time with Mae always this weird? Thinking back on Bea’s stories, she came to the conclusion that yes, it was. Maybe that’s why Bea spent time with Mae. It certainly helped break the monotony.

“Um, you can crash on my couch instead of driving back, no I’m not old enough but who cares, and because I ruined your night. I feel really bad about you having to leave the party, so maybe we can have a little party here! There’s no music, no lights, and no other people, so it’s like a mini party. A party of two. Just you, me, and the downward spiral of alcohol.” Mae certainly had a way with words, Jackie thought. She managed to make it sound awful and fun at the same time.

“Well when you put it that way. What about Bea?”

“She’ll be fine. She’s probably headed back right now anyway. You’d just pass her on the way back.” Mae was becoming more insistent.

“After alcohol got you into this mess, you’re gonna drink more?” Jackie didn’t know why, but her questions were becoming more desperate, like she was looking for an excuse to say no.

“It’s my house! No trouble can happen. I can drink water and pace myself.”

Jackie could feel her resistance slipping away. Something inside of her wanted to stay and get drunk with Mae. She’d only been drunk once, maybe it’d be fun? Maybe she’d get lucky and forget everything in the morning. It was a weird dissonance between her head and her gut. In the end, she gave in.

“Alright. Go get it before I change my mind.” She said. Mae squealed excitedly and ran up the stairs. Jackie sighed and sat on the couch in the living room. The whole atmosphere was comfortable. Too comfortable. It made Jackie uncomfortable at how comfortable it was. Why in God’s name was she doing this? She voluntarily gave Mae a ride home, she voluntarily entered Mae’s house, and now she was going to voluntarily drink with Mae and spend the night? Bea had better thank her for this. Was she going insane? She didn’t have time to ponder the question as Mae came stumbling down the stairs. She walked over to the couch and flopped down next to Jackie.

“Here we are! It’s peach flavored.” She said excitedly, waving the bottle in Jackie’s face. It was a pretty good size and was more than enough for the two of them.

“Hm. So like, how do we do this? You got glasses, or...”

“Nah, we can just drink it straight. I’m not sick, so it’ll be fine. It’s more fun this way!”

“I’ve come this far, so whatever. Give me that.” Jackie snatched the bottle from Mae’s hands and took a swig. It was surprisingly delicious. Much better than beer. “Wow. That is pretty good.”

“Gimme!” Mae grabbed it and took a healthy drink. “Oof, that’s something. You’re right though. Good stuff.”

“So uh, what have you been doing recently?” Jackie asked to break the ice a little.

“Not working, to the great disappointment of my parents. Like, wow! Sorry none of the five jobs in this town want to hire the girl who nearly killed someone! But it’s definitely MY fault for not trying hard enough!” Mae spat bitterly. She’d been arguing for months with her parents about her employment situation. She really had tried, but everywhere she looked turned her down.

“Yeah, looking for a job sucks. Especially in this shit town. What are you gonna do?” Jackie asked curiously.

“I don’t know. They keep say that even if I don’t want to go back to college, I should move to another town and look for work elsewhere.” Mae sighed.

“And?”

“I can’t do that! First of all, they would have to help me find a place to live, which they definitely don’t have the money for, and I’m not about to make my parents lives miserable so I can move on. Secondly, I wouldn’t last a minute on my own outside of Possum Springs. I broke down at college, why would anywhere else be different?” Mae couldn’t fathom the idea of living on her own in another city.

“Oh. Is that because of your... issue?” Jackie asked tenuously.

“Yep. My dumb effed up head.” Mae slumped as she passed the bottle to Jackie. She put her hands on her eyes and almost comically dragged them slowly down her face as she groaned. “Uuuuugggggggghhhhhh” She stared at her hands. “Skin, fur, fingers, claws, what’s the difference? My life is a mess no matter what. Even if I tried to pick up the pieces, I don’t think I even have them all. I’m a few crayons short of a full box, ya dig?”

Jackie nervously sipped the drink, unsure of what to say. She understood what Mae was talking about, but didn’t quite get the whole ‘fur and claws’ thing Mae had said. She wasn’t particularly good at consoling people either. Not quite her forte. So instead she just went with the most non-committal response possible- “That sucks.”

“Don’t it just.” Mae agreed as she took the bottle from Jackie. “So what do you do? Do you live in a dorm or a house or what?”

“Uh, an apartment.”

“Shit, nice. What do you do for work?” Mae leaned in curiously. Other people’s lives interested her far more than her own.

“I’m a freelance photographer. I take photos of, well, anything I’m paid to.” Jackie had found a love of photography early in her life. As a kid, she’d always carried around disposable polaroid cameras and took pictures of everything.

“Oh, sweet! Hmmm... What’s the most interesting photo you’ve ever taken?” Mae asked, interested in Jackie’s hobby.

Jackie knew the answer as soon as the question was asked, but she couldn’t say that. No, she sidestepped the question instead. “You know, I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it.” She lied.

“Oh. Makes sense, I’m sure you’ve taken lots.” Mae didn’t pick up on the answer at all. “So are you doing photography in college?”

“Oh yeah...” Jackie continued, detailing her college plans.

They went back forth like that for a while, keeping conversation light. It didn’t take long for Mae to return to her state of inebriation. She was small and despite working herself back into order during the drive, she still had alcohol in her system. Jackie was a bit slower, enough to notice Mae’s descent into incoherence. It was all rather funny, enough to make her giggle about the whole situation.

“And thass why theres so many rass aroun town. Im bassicly their mom.” Mae finished some story that Jackie hadn’t really been listening to.

“Wha? Oh. That’s nice...” Jackie said as Mae took another drink. The bottle was getting low and Jackie was considering just finishing it off. To keep Mae from it, of course.

“Heyyyy... do you ever see things funny?” Mae asked her. Jackie considered the question before deciding that she didn’t understand it.

“I dunno. Whaddya mean?”

“I meen Im broken. Even more dan juss shapes. I don know what’s wrong with me.”

“I’m ssstill not following.”

“Sometines peopole arent people. Sometimes they look like aminals. Everybody. Beebee loos like a crocodily, wif big teef and these spines on her bak. I look int a meerr and I get dese big red eyes and I think imma cat. I got whiskers an big ears an pawss. It can lass a long time and I don notice until it goes away. I thingk somethings reely wrong with me. I havent told anyone cuz then I’ll get trown in the looney bin an I sware Im not crayzee.” Mae ranted.

The subject had been bothering her for a long time. She’d been having these delusions since she was a child and they scared her. She could remember being told a bedtime story by her grandfather (also a cat) and thinking that Adina Astra was a crocodile. Her most recent bout had started on the bus ride home from college and ended after the cult fiasco. The most important and horrifying event in her entire life and the world looked like a freaky kids show. Whenever they happened, it felt completely natural. It was a blessing that she had never said anything during them that sounded weird. Well, weirder than normal.

“That’s... inneresting. What kinda animal am I?” Jackie asked. Had she been sober, she might have been concerned. But right now she wanted to know what animal she was in the mind of Mae.

“Yer like... a goat.”

“A goat?! What?!” Jackie was insulted. All the animals in the world and Mae says she’s a goat!

“Nooooo! It loogs good! Ya got thees horns and hoofs an you look cooool!” Mae said in an attempt to reassure Jackie.

“Hm. Sounns like something else. I don’t know exakly what kinda problem that would be. Is it traumatizing or anything?”

“Naw. Afterwars it spooks me pretty bally, but whadever. I almost prefer it. Cats are cute. Im not.” Mae was getting sad now, her sour mood multiplied by the alcohol.

“That’s-“ Jackie stopped, hesitant to compliment Mae after last time. “Less talk about something else. When your drunk is no time to talk about potenjially serious psychological issues.”

“Okayyy. What do want you talk about?” Mae had already forgotten the previous confession. 

“Uhhh... people talk abou kissing, right? Who wass your first kiss?” Jackie picked the first subject her alcohol addled brain thought up, conjured by images of teenage girls at sleepovers.

“Teknikly it wass Cole-io. But I don count it. I refuse.” Mae crossed her arms in defiance. Jackie giggled at the little display.

“Why not?”

“Becuz I bit him, made him bleed, and den I choked him wit paper tols while I puked in a sink.”

“Oh my GOD! Hahahaha! I’m sorry, but thass hilarious! Holy shit!” Jackie laughed hysterically. Mae smiled a little bit at the reaction.

“Hehe, yeah. Guesso. So no, I’ve never kissanyone.” Mae admitted. It was a fact that she greatly resented. Normal people kissed all the time, right?

“Wow, that sucks. Don’t feel bad, I’ve only kissed once.”

“Ooooooh! Who? Who?” Mae bounced up and down excitedly. She loved juicy gossip. Jackie eyed her for a moment before grabbing the bottle and chugging the rest of it. “Hey! Theress till enuff there for bofa us!”

“You’re already plassered. You don’t need it. And if I’m gonna tell you, then I need it.”

“Fiiiiine. Juss tell me!” Mae demanded.

“Alrigh, but don’t get jealous. It was Bea.” Jackie said. Mae just stared at her for a few moments as she processed this new, unexpected information.

“Im sssorry, what?” Mae asked for confirmation. Jackie grinned at her.

“When I firs told Bea I liked herr, she didn’t know if she liked girls or not. So we kissed to see how she felt. She obviously was not inteserted, so it dint go anywhere. But I still kissed her.” Jackie knew Mae would be jealous. She wanted her to be.

“You cant juss say that! Gimme the deetz! Was there tongue? Didja french it? Come onnnnn!” Mae wanted to know it all. It would be the closest she ever came to kissing Bea herself.

“It got pretty intense. We were really gone at it. Then she juss stopped an said she wuzznt feeling it. I was like, whatever. Her choice.” Jackie still felt regret towards that moment. Was it better to have done it and been disappointed or to not do it and never know the answer? She thought about it a lot.

“Thass like, the ulmitate kiss though! Your firs kiss was Bea. It don’t get any bedder than that!” Mae yelled, forgetting that her parents were asleep. She was envious of Jackie’s first kiss, but also proud? Jackie had gotten to do what Mae only dreamed of. Those smoky lips, that dark skin, the thought made Mae tingle. “Faze it, you bascly won kissing.”

“It wasnt that good. Neider one of us knew what we were doing.” Jackie said, downplaying the event.

“You dint make her bleed, ssso I’d say yer good. Nobody ever toll me kissing was hard!” Mae complained. Screwing up kissing that badly took a whole level of fuck-upery that she couldn’t believe. It took a lot of courage (or alcohol) for her to tell that story.

“Yeah, theresno way to like, practice or anything.” As Jackie said this, a thought popped into her head. She pushed it to the back of her mind. It was an intrusive idea, one that sounded like a good thing but could only lead to trouble.

“Yeh! You can’t just go up to someone an be like ‘ey, lemme smooch ya. I need to get better atit.’” Mae agreed. She had the same idea come into the whirling craze that was her thought process. The difference was, she had no qualms about voicing it. “You wanna like, kiss each otherer someting?”

Despite having the same thought, Jackie did a double take. “What? Are you serus right now?”

“Ummm... I guess? It wuz just an idya. We don gotta or nothin.” Mae shrank back slightly. She was able to register that her question had been weird, moments after having said it. She wished the schnapps wasn’t all gone now.

“Okay, but why?” Jackie knew why she had thought about it. Discussing kissing, it was only logical to come to the conclusion of kissing the person you’re discussing with. No motive behind it. But what was going through Mae’s head?

“Becuz neither of us have kissed much, ssso we could get better?” Mae half lied. Truth be told, through schnapps-tinted goggles, Jackie was looking pretty good right now. Jackie always looked good, but now kissing was the topic of choice and Mae’s judgement was skewed by fantasies of romance.

“Huh.” Jackie was beginning to have similar feelings. Maybe Mae wasn’t the prettiest girl around, but she certainly wasn’t hideous. She was a little chubby, for sure, but she still had the punk aesthetic that Jackie had once admired. Visually, she was the exact opposite of Bea. Bea was tall, thin, and dark skinned. Mae was short, chubby, and practically white. With her piercing red eyes, she almost looked albino. Wait... “Are you albino?” Jackie asked.

“Wha?” Mae cocked her head in confusion at the sudden inquiry. Then it clicked. “Oh, yeah. I hate my white hair, ssso I dyeit. I hate allof it. People stare at me.” Mae had always felt weird about it. She hated when people stared when she went new places. She couldn’t change her skin or her eyes, but her hair took to dye well. She’d asked her parents when she was eight if she could dye it, and had never gone back.

“Thass rad. I kinda always thoughtchu were juss kinda sickly an had cool eyes.” Jackie said. Mae gave a surprised look.

“Cool...? You thing myeyes’re cool?” Mae was flabbergasted. She hated her eyes. Those nightmare eyes. Sometimes she wondered if they were the reason she saw shapes, or people turned into animals. She’d tried colored contacts, but they just irritated her eyes further, which she didn’t need given her already poor vision.

“Well yeah. Red eyes are like, the cooles. They make you look feerce.” Jackie complimented her.

“I dunno. Sometimes I juss wanna scoopem out. Maybe thatta fix me. Then I don gotta see shapes or animals.” It wasn’t a thought Mae ever relished entertaining. But she’d decided that if she ever wanted to harm herself, she’d take out her eyes. After all, they were the root of all of her problems, right?

“Thats... not good. Have you talked to anybody bout this?” Even if Jackie had still hated Mae, which she didn’t, she never wished for anyone to harm themselves.

“No. I don wanna go back to Hank.” Mae resented Doctor Hank immensely. Besides, that would require her to admit that she had mental health issues.

“It doesn gotta be Hank. He’s a quack. I see a guy in Brigh Harbor that helps with my dysphoria. Therere people out there who can actually help.” Jackie told her.

“I dunno. I don think I can even talk aboudit. I don know how.” Mae was terrified that word get out and she’d be known as the crazy one. That she’d have to live in a padded cell for the rest of her life.

“Youre tellin me right now.”

“I can garuntee that I ain gonna remember any of this tomorrow. I juss hope you don tell anyone.” Mae was putting a surprising amount of faith in Jackie’s ability to keep a secret.

“I don’t know if I will either.” Jackie didn’t know if her memory was that strong or if she had drank that much.

“Iss a blessing anda curse.”

Jackie considered this for a moment. “If you arn gonna remember this, then lets get kissin.” She decided to throw her inhibitions out. She hadn’t kissed a cute girl since Bea, and now that the opportunity had arisen, she craved it.

“Wha? Are y’ sure? I mean, you only stopped hatin me a few hours ago and Im like kina ugly an I can’t even kiss well an-“ Mae rattled off before Jackie leaned in very close. “Y- You smell nice.”

Jackie giggled at the random compliment. “Mae, do you want to kiss me, or no?” She asked, her voice stern now. Jackie was now convinced that drunken hookups happened for a reason. And this wasn’t even a hookup. It was just kissing practice.

“Y-Yesss, b-but I dunno. This might make thins weird and I dint know what I waz sayin earler ssso we don have to do it. I’m juss gonna hed to bed-“ Mae began to stand, but quickly sat back down as dizziness overtook her. “Nevmind.”

“Mae, do you have any sort of feelins for me?” Jackie asked as she steadied the pale girl.

“A course not!”

“And I dont have any for you. Rite now, I very much juss wantto kiss someone, and you are here. All we’re gonna do is kiss, no strins attached. Are you absolutely sure you don wanna kiss me?” Jackie would be extremely disappointed if she didn’t kiss Mae right now. She’d been struck by how starved for intimacy she was, and wanted to stave off that feeling. Finding a girlfriend was harder than it should be, especially when you factored in being trans.

“I- no. Iss juss awkward.”

“Then don’t think about how awkward it iz.”

“...Alrigh. How do we start?”

“Uhhhh...” Jackie froze. She remembered that neither one of them knew what they were doing. She’d have to wing it. “Juss go withe flow, I guess? No biting though!”

“Sheej, ya bite one guy...” Mae grumbled. Jackie leaned forward until they were inches apart. She hesitated. This was her last chance to back out. She shrugged off the feeling. It was too late for cold feet now. Like she said, it meant nothing.

She planted her lips on Mae’s, holding it for a moment before pulling away. Though there was no romance, it still sent a tingle down her spine.

“See? Iss that easy.” She proclaimed proudly.

“Ye, if youre kissing yer mom.” Mae scoffed. 

“Whaddya mean?” Jackie asked with a frown. 

“We both know thass not the kissing we want. Here.” It was Mae’s turn to lean forward, inspired by her disappointment at Jackie’s lack of aggression. Once more they connected lips, but this time Mae opened her mouth slightly. Jackie was shocked by the sudden move, but reciprocated nonetheless. When both of their mouths were open, Mae began to explore the inside of Jackie’s mouth with her tongue.

It caught Jackie off guard how much she enjoyed the intrusion. Kissing was something that, though it didn’t involve anything inherently sexual, brought her immense pleasure. It turned her on more than she cared to admit. She let Mae’s weight push her to a laying position so she could get more into it. She put one hand on Mae’s lower back and the other on the back of her head. She began to use her tongue in response. It was clumsy and sloppy, but she was enjoying it anyway. Mae pulled away after a minute.

“Wow. That was pretty gud.” She gasped.

“Yeah. You aren that bad at all.” Jackie complimented. They went back at it, just as fiercely as before. Mae’s lips trailed down Jackie’s cheek, until she was kissing the base of her neck, where the shoulder met.

“Ohhhh... Mae...” Jackie moaned. It felt amazing, which that it was definitely no good. She knew she should stop Mae but couldn’t bring herself to. To her disappointment, she didn’t have to.

“Zzzz... snrkt... zzzzz...” Mae snored with her head buried in Jackie’s chest.

“Mae? Maaaaeeee? ...Shit.” Jackie sighed and leaned her head back on the arm of the couch. “Guess we’re done.” She wasn’t gonna move Mae, so she just shifted until she was comfortable. She accepted the cuddle and closed her eyes to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point, I have no idea what good pacing is. So, uh, hope this is fine.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie finds breakfast at Mae’s an interesting scenario.

When Jackie awoke, the first thing she noticed was the smell of bacon. The second thing she noticed was the heavy weight on her chest. “Oh. Right.” Embarrassment washed over her as she remembered the previous night. She couldn’t believe she’d made out with Mae. What in God’s name had she been thinking?! She really needed to go. Forget this ever happened. Maybe never look at Mae again. Definitely never drink again, because apparently she made horrible decisions when drunk.

The smell of cooking bacon meant that someone else had to be awake. As loudly as she could whisper, she called out. “Hello? Is someone there?” She didn’t want to wake Mae. She looked so peaceful when she was asleep. She had one arm underneath Jackie and the other hanging over the edge of the couch. Her head was resting on Jackie’s chest and she was snoring softly.

“Oh! You’re awake! I didn’t want to disturb you two.” An older woman’s voice called out. “I’m cooking some breakfast. Do you like bacon?”

“Uh, sure. What about-“

“Oh don’t worry about her. She sleeps like the dead. You’ll probably have to wake her yourself, unless you’re okay with laying there until three in the afternoon.” The woman laughed. Jackie guessed it was Mae’s mom.

“Oh. Alright.” Jackie gently shook Mae. “Hey, uh, wake up. Mae, wake up.”

Mae stirred, slowly lifting her head until she was sleepily looking Jackie in the eye. Jackie was once more struck by how absolutely gorgeous Mae’s eyes were. From an objective standpoint, of course. Something clicked in Mae, and her eyes widened.

“Oh jeez, I’m sorry! Why am I laying on you?!” She panicked as she scrambled to extricate herself from Jackie. They both sat up, and Jackie got a good look at the woman in the kitchen. She looked like an average mom, a kindly looking woman wearing a blue sweater. What caught Jackie off guard was the small tuft of blue hair on the woman’s head.

“Well, if I had to guess sweetie, it’s probably because of that empty bottle next to the couch.” Her mom piped in. Mae glanced at the empty bottle of schnapps on the floor and cringed at the sight of it.

“Mom, I-“ She began.

“Sweetie, you’re pretty much an adult. Until you start driving, I’m not going to worry about how you entertain yourself. Lord knows that I had my fun at your age. What I’m less okay with is you bring home strangers.” She looked Jackie’s way. “No offense of course, I’m sure you’re a lovely person.”

“She’s not a stranger, mom. This is Jackie. She’s a friend of Bea’s. She gave me a ride home and I offered her a drink. So she stayed the night. And I know what you’re thinking, but all we did is talk.” Mae explained, putting special emphasis on the end. “Ugh, my head hurts.”

“What you do is your business dear. Now, come get some breakfast. It’s rare that you’re up early enough for me to make it for you.” 

“I should get going. Thanks for letting me stay the night.” Jackie said as she moved to leave.

“Nonsense! At least eat breakfast first. I’d fail as a mother if I didn’t feed a friend of my daughter.” Mrs. Borowski said warmly. Jackie had to admit, that bacon did smell good.

“Alright Mrs. Borowski. I’ll stay for some food.” She gave in. She was starving.

“So polite too! You can call me Candy.”

“Okay. Why though?” Jackie asked at the seemingly odd request.

“Haha, because that’s my name.” Candy laughed.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by that. Just an interesting name is all.” Jackie apologized.

“No worries. You’re not the first.” Candy waved her off. “How do you like your eggs Jackie?”

“Uhm, scrambled please.” Last night was over, so why were things still weird? Mae seated herself at the table, eager for food. There was a few minutes of peaceful silence, only punctuated by Candy humming and the sizzling of food in a pan. Mae casually picked at her nails while she waited, not noticing that Jackie was looking everywhere but at her.

“So why didn’t Bea just give you a ride home?” Candy asked as she set food down in front of the two young women.

“She, uh, met a guy. She didn’t want to leave as early as me. Jackie stepped up so Bea could stay longer. She’s a great friend.” Mae sort of told the truth. Jackie decided to say nothing. No point in stirring up trouble with Mae’s mom.

“Well thanks for bringing her home safely Jackie. I appreciate it, and I’m sure Bea really appreciated it too.” Candy smiled sweetly. Jackie nodded and swallowed a bite of egg.

“Well, it was a Saturday night, so I didn’t have anything prepared for today. And you know what they say, a friend of a friend.” Jackie explained through bites of food.

Candy nodded happily. “It’s so good to see that Mae has more friends. She always hangs out with the same three people.” She laughed.

“I do not! I hang out with Bea, Gregg, Angus, Germ, Lori, Selmers, and sometimes Mr. Chazokov. I have plenty of friends!” Mae responded defensively.

“Mr. Chazakov? The science teacher?” Jackie asked in confusion.

“Yeah! He lives above Selmers. I stargaze with him on his roof sometimes.” Mae chirped.

“Huh. I thought you hated his class. As I remember you once saying loudly mid-class, ‘This chemistry shit is complete ass.’” Jackie mused.

“Oh yeah! I got a week of detention for that. But stars are cool, and so is Mr. Chazakov.” Mae wasn’t bothered by Jackie’s recollection. She rarely felt regret for speaking her mind.

“Don’t you think sweetie, that maybe school was so awful because you made it that way?” Candy asked, not humored by the memories of Mae’s misbehavior.

“Nah, I was too dumb for school. That’s all. Hard to learn when your brain doesn’t work right.” Mae stated adamantly. Ever since telling her parents the truth about college and her incident, it had become a defense mechanism of hers. Whenever something negative about her came up, she was quick to say she didn’t work correctly, which she honestly believed. In Mae’s mind, she was irreparably broken, and nothing would change that. Only now she wasn’t afraid to talk about it.

Candy frowned. “I dislike it when you talk about yourself like that.” She said.

“Sorry.” Mae answered, ashamed. She forgot that her mom didn’t agree with her opinions on herself. She mostly didn’t want to argue about it again. “Anyway, school bad, stars good. You ever want someone to teach you about the dusk stars, I’m your girl!”

“Hm. I’ve heard of them before. But as much as I’d love to learn about them, I’d better get going. Thank you from the meal Candy.” Jackie stood up and set her plate in the sink.

“Any time dear. Don’t be a stranger!” Candy called as Jackie waved goodbye and exited the front door.

She walked to her car, perturbed by the normalcy of it all. It was like she was seventeen again, and just spent the night at a friend’s house. She hadn’t slept anywhere but her own bed in ages. It felt odd, yet... exhilarating. She decided she needed to get out more.

“Hey, Jackie! Wait!”

She groaned and turned to face Mae. She’d expected this, given how abruptly she’d left. “What?”

“I was just wondering if you had a chattrBox handle. So we could talk if we wanted.” Mae asked.

Jackie sighed. “Look, about last night-“

Mae cut her off. “You stayed at my house, we got drunk, I probably said something stupid. Did you have a good time at least?” Mae was worried that everything about last night was for nothing and that Jackie still disliked her. She had no way of knowing after last night.

“Wait... do you seriously not remember anything?” Jackie asked incredulously.

“No... oh god. What did I say?! I’m sorry if I insulted you! It’s just that that was a lot of alcohol and I couldn’t really handle it and I feel pretty awful now!” Mae cried out. Jackie realized the situation and decided she could let her embarrassment die here.

“No, no, it’s just... you told me about the animals.” It wasn’t what she had been planning to talk about, but if she was the only one who knew about the kissing, it was going to stay that way.

“Wha-? Jackie. Don’t tell anyone.” Mae clasped her hands together in a pleading way. “I am begging you. Please, don’t tell a single person. Not Bea, not anyone. Please.” Jackie noticed that Mae almost had tears in her eyes. She was really serious about this.

“I promise, I won’t tell anyone. I really think you should seek some help though.” Now that Jackie was of a coherent mind, Mae’s confession worried her. Dissociation was one thing, full on visual hallucinations for an extended period of time were another matter entirely.

“Just forget about it. Pretend I never said anything.” Mae insisted.

“I’m serious, you should-“

“No! Just drop it. I’m not crazy.” Mae was getting angry now. Mae believed that if she didn’t confront the problem, it wasn’t ‘official.’ She thought that seeking professional help meant she was crazy.

“That’s not what I’m-“

“I said drop it!” Mae shouted angrily. Jackie was shocked by the outburst for a moment.

“You know what? Fine. Sorry for trying to give a shit. If you want to live life in fear of something you could take care of, be my guest. Maybe you’ll learn if you snap and hurt someone you care about.” Jackie snapped before getting in her car and slamming the door. Mae watched as Jackie drove off. She stormed back inside and stomped up the stairs to sleep more and hopefully get rid of her headache.

In her room, she collapsed onto her bed, still upset at Jackie’s ‘help.’ She flipped open her laptop to check any messages. She realized that she hadn’t gotten Jackie’s handle like she’d wanted. “Forget it. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be friends after all.” She grumbled. She had a message from Bea from last night.

11:37 pm  
B: Hey.  
B: Um  
B: Is Jackie headed back?  
11:52 pm  
B: Mae?  
12:14 am  
B: Goodnight I guess.

Mae sighed. She felt bad for missing these messages, but last night was extenuating circumstances.

8:24  
M: hey bea, sorry for not catching your messages  
M: weird night

B: There you are.  
B: You’re up early.  
B: At least, early for you.

M: yeah   
M: im about to go back to sleep though   
M: my head is killing me

B: After just two cups of shitty beer?  
B: Is it just me, or is your tolerance for alcohol going down?

M: nah  
M: its because of the schnapps I drank with jackie last night

-Bea is typing...-

8:35  
M: bea?  
M: you still there?

B: Yes.  
B: I’m just struggling to comprehend what you said.

M: jackie got drunk at my house with me and we fell asleep on my couch  
M: she just ate breakfast and left like 20 minutes ago

B: Holy shit.  
B: How’d you swing that one?

M: we sorta became friends last night?

B: Damn.  
B: I can’t even fathom the conversations that arose from that.

M: I dont even remember.  
M: but I guess I told her something pretty personal  
M: she wouldnt drop it this morning   
M: and she acted like I was in the wrong for getting angry at her!

B: Was it the shapes?

-Mae is typing...-

Mae didn’t know what to say. She had told Bea about the shapes, but not the animals. After all, she had been seeing them when she confessed about the shapes. Thinking about it, Mae realized that kinda proved that the shapes and the animals were two separate issues, which made her feel way worse about it. Her mental health seemed to be accumulating problems at an astonishing rate. But Bea... could Mae tell her? Bea was practically her sister (disregarding the longstanding crush Mae had on her). And yet...

M: no  
M: just some embarrassing stuff  
M: I dunno  
M: forget about it

B: Huh, that doesn’t really sound like her.

M: guess we werent as friendly as I thought   
M: enough about me though  
M: did you get laid?

B: Seriously?  
B: You think I’m going to fuck a guy after barely knowing him for a few hours?

M: how long had you known the guy at math camp?

B: Touché.  
B: No, we talked for a while and I got his number.  
B: Then I waited for Jackie for an hour before realizing that she wasn’t coming back.  
B: I never would have guessed she was at your house still.

M: trust me, I regret it  
M: if she tells anyone I don’t know what I’ll do

B: Is it something I know?

M: no

B: You realize you’re just fueling my curiosity, right?

M: I think if you ever found out, id just cry  
M: and maybe never stop

It felt weird to Mae to be talking about the animals, but without any of the context. If Bea knew about it truthfully, she would definitely think Mae was insane or something. No normal person had the problems Mae had.

B: I’ll staunch my investigative instincts then.  
B: If you ever want to talk about it though, I’m here.

Bea had a feeling Mae wasn’t telling the whole truth, but wasn’t going to call her out on it. Then she’d never talk about it.

M: doubtful   
M: but thanks  
M: im gonna crash now   
M: I probably won’t be around tonight   
M: im tempted to just sleep until tomorrow

B: Have fun.

Mae closed her laptop and laid back. Hopefully she’d feel better after a nap.


End file.
